Friday, March 11, 2005

Talk Hard

Just got done with Pump Up the Volume for the umpteenth time. The roomies fell asleep during it, as always. I could be watching Faces of Death and they'd zonk out. Anyway, the movie got me thinking: blogging is the new pirate radio, only no one controls what happens on here. Man, if blogs were around when I was in high school, I think a lot of things would have been different. Being a writer AND having lots of teen angst bullshit to get out of my system? Blogging would have been a godsend.

Then I start to wonder if I still have any of that emotional debris still floating around. I know these days I'm not as stressed and irritated and confused and frustrated as I was back then. Or am I? Maybe I just stopped letting it out, or even recognizing it's there. Maybe somewhere in the midst of stumbling into adulthood, you stop thinking you're allowed to be lonely, or sad, or scared, or confused. Maybe we think we know all the answers. Fuck, we're turning into our parents, aren't we.

I'm not particularly scared of anything that I know of, but I'm plenty frustrated. I think about getting my writing published or my CD out there, but even getting noticed in those businesses unless you know someone seems nigh impossible. Then I think about it...even if they bought one of my screenplays and never made it, I could still be looking at tens of thousands of dollars. Good scripts go for even more. I've never made more that $14k in a year in my life, so making $20,000 off one little script would be amazing, but how to GET it there....

I've never been particularly scared of girls, but the more I talk to them the more futile it seems to be. Every one (except Shell) thinks I'm a total weirdo and gives me that look of, "Hey, get away from me."

Yes, I'm bitching, and no, I won't shut up. People have problems, but we get to adulthood thinking we should keep it all to ourselves. "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything!" Grilled into our heads as kids, we end up spewing it to some wholly overpaid therapist because none of our "nearest and dearest" would listen. What the hell are they there for, then?

Then there are people who use their loved ones as emotional punching bags. Spouses are particularly bad about this (I won't name any names....yet. You know who you are). And screw marriage. I have seen what can happen to people in a very short period of time when someone rocks their boat just a little. People change as often as the seasons. Marriage is great for providing a sturdy social, emotional, and financial foundation for raising kids, but it often applies excess pressure to an already volatile situation. Say the parents aren't getting along but they're uber-into the "sanctity" of marriage. Their kids are screwed. Psychological studies have shown that it's better for the kids if the parents are apart and happy instead of together and miserable.

Marriage seems like an outdated idea. It's like making each other into property, which I think we abolished in America sometime around 1865. I'm all for monogamy and trust and honesty, but you don't need a piece of paper and some expensive ceremony to make that stuff real. Live it.

Ramble ramble ramble...maybe I'll have more to talk about later (I hear you groaning out there...shut up!). I have to go talk to Shell about Armada, the Dreamcast classic action-RPG.

1 comment:

Alicia said...

Go rent 'Garden State'. Your roommates will still probably fall asleep, but at least you'll get to enjoy it.