Sunday, March 20, 2005

Things to know when coming to New York City

1. Do not drive. It's pointless.

2. Instead of getting food "For here or to go," you get it "To stay or to go." Just accept it.

3. Yes, Kristin, you can get fake designer purses virtually anywhere in Manhattan.

4. They really do make the best pizza here. I get a single slice for lunch every day for $2, and not only is it big enough to be filling, it's good enough to be worth the $2. The guy at the Hudson Square Cafe knows me so well now, he throws in a slice of pepperoni as soon as he sees me. It's not as anonymous a city as you're led to believe.

5. They double-bag everything at the store. Everything.

6. It's soda here, not pop, but we ex-Ohioans keep pop alive in the confines of our own dwelling.

7. Don't get anything mail-order. It will be horribly inconvenient to receive since they will only try to deliver it while you're at work, and when they don't get an answer at the door, they'll ship it back to their warehouse in OHIO. No, I'm not kidding. This exact scenario happened to Maria and Rob with Best Buy and a TV.

8. Reason #2 not to get anything shipped here: We ordered our cable modem sometime early this past week and it's still not here. The cable company is up around 25th St. That's only about 60 blocks from here, or maybe 6 local train stops. I could have WALKED up there and got it myself by now! AAAGGGGHHHH!!!

9. You can buy porn movies at any local convenience store (like Drug Mart, only smaller, known here as a "bodega"), but you can't rent them at Blockbuster. Yeah, that almost makes sense.

10. New York--particularly the Bronx--is known for insect allergens. I just read about it today. Cockroaches can cause worse allergy symptoms, and even asthma in kids, than anything else, including dust mites. Good thing we don't have any roaches, but ya never know when or where they'll come from.

11. There are mice and rats in the subway tunnels. Hence the term "tunnel rats." They won't bother you, and the city regularly distributes rodenticide down there, so it's hardly a problem, but I do see them running around between the tracks every day or two.

12. Don't take a taxi. With traffic, it'll probably be cheaper, healthier, and faster to simply walk. Buses are marginally better, but the subway is the way to go.

13. At rush hour, all the trains run, and more of them, making a commute quite doable. You probably won't get to sit down unless you get on at the end of the line, and you may indeed be touching as many as nine people at once in your standing-room-only space. Just keep dibs on your wallet, a hand on a hand-hold, smile at the pretty girls, and you'll be fine.

14. They have a lot of full service gas stations here, but you'll pay as much as $0.10 more per gallon for the service. Speaking of, gas is currently about $2.13 here. How much is it where you are?

15. I don't know if this is widely available yet, but Budweiser is is selling beer here now with caffeine, ginseng, and guarana in it, so you can get hyped up while getting even more sloshed! For the city that never sleeps indeed.

16. You can buy movies here on DVD before they even come out in theaters. A guy was trying to sell me a copy of Constantine on DVD the Thursday before it was supposed to be hitting the multiplex.

Also, I'm officially becoming a New Yorker. I was walking to the train from work the other day, spotted some slow-moving tourists from a block away, and felt myself getting annoyed with their pace already. When I finally caught up to them about three seconds later, I got more irritated that they were moving so slow. I just want to get OUT OF THE CITY and go home! Step aside if you're going to gawk at your little map. And don't ask me, or anyone else, where any streets are in lower Manhattan. Take it up with the city engineers who decided to name them instead of using numbers down there like the whole rest of the city. Gar!


Alicia said...

$2.25! Gas is $2.25 here! Baaah! When your driving commute is 45 minutes each way, the price of gas becomes very important.

Ha! Caffeinated Budweiser. Sweet! I wondered what they were going to do to keep up with Miller Beer.

Bill Dunfee said...

Last I knew (Friday or Saturday) gas was about $2.199 in the Cincinnati area.