Thursday, July 28, 2005

Here's how bad my job hunt is going

I read this story and thought, "Hey a job opening!" Yes, things are that lousy. Welcome to the new Depression, America!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Fuck Discs

Haven't we graduated to a point in the timeline of humanity where I can install a game on my PC and NOT need the goddamn disc in the drive to play it? That's the WHOLE FUCKING POINT of "installing" it. I can understand needing the disc for a console game, since it doesn't keep any information on the hardware between sessions.

And if you think this "cd checking" is keeping your game from being pirated, I have a secret to tell you:

YOU ARE WRONG.

Bit-for-bit burners and no-cd patches abound on the Interweb, so just make my life easier and stop wasting my time. There's nothing more irritating than having a portable computer (i.e., laptop) and STILL having to carry some annoying bag with stupid CDs with your insipid shit on them. Stop doing this, or I will stop buying and/or playing your games. It annoys me as a PAYING customer to have to deal with this bullshit. So, STOP DOING IT. It isn't helping anyone.

The End.

Prince Devil God Of May Of Persia Cry War

So, watching the way too fast and way too uninspired development progress of the Prince of Persia series nowadays, I predict that the fourth installment will find the Prince brandishing a firearm. Prolly a shotgun on his back, pistol in hand, and sword in the other. Cuz, we ALL have to be cool and Goth like Devil May Cry and God of War. And Samurai Western. And Gun. And Shadow the Hedgehog (god help us).

Ubisoft, this is why you're going to get bought out by EA. Rygar, Ico, and the original PoP were sweet, had personality, and managed to be unique. That's why they're better. :p And while I'm forging this love letter to Ubi, what ever happened to Rayman? And why does the Rainbow Six series keep getting more ho-hum and sport worse AI with each incarnation?

Enjoy the hostile takeover kids!

My buddy can't run Doom 3

He emailed me this:

I Bought A Game Last Night That I Can't Play.

Doom 3.

Apparently it doesn't like Win98 so I'll have to break down and get 2000 or
XP.

God help me...
______________________________________________________

So I told him this:

D00d, you are so old school. Get with the 00's. Anyway, if your computer isn't, like, from the FUTURE, you can't run Doom at its prettiest anyway. But get a copy of XP now before Longhorn or Vista or End Of The World As We Know It or whatever the next version of Winders is comes out. Cuz those OSes will decide which and how many games you can install or run at will. Big Brother is birthed from the fetid womb of Microsoft. Why do we need an OS to run games, anyway? Why can't they write straight for the hardware? Then I could get Linux. YEAH.

Flesh-eating caterpillars

Yay for evolution!

Do Not Call becomes Go Ahead And Call

It figures that big business would try to find ways to debunk the national Do Not Call list, probably the only good idea to come out of this country since we took on the eagle rather than the turkey as our national bird.

This story tells you pretty much what you need to know. What I don't get is that, even though the govt shouldn't intervene in business in most cases, this is clearly a case of the people speaking as a majority and saying what they do and do not want. Isn't that the basis for a democracy? And while it is true that the nature of big business is to completely discard the idea of giving their customers what they want, it IS the job of the govt to support the majority. Clearly we have spoken. Shouldn't SOMEBODY out there have our backs?

Thursday, July 21, 2005

What is shaking.

Jim brings up a good point (see "comments" on last post). I DIDN'T have time to do this until this week. See, I quit my job cuz they weren't going to pay me enough to survive here. Never fear, since ShackNews.com may be stepping up to gimme green for doing something I enjoy.

Also, all those blurbs below are from the SAME chat. If you check the post times, I did them in real time as me and Mike (aka, Teh Michael) fired salvo after salvo at one another into the wee hours. So it's true that I didn't have time. But now I do. Who knows for how much longer, tho.

Anyway, I was just in the shower and thought of a good title for a documentary on hate crimes against gays: Blood, Sweat, and Queers. Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

he really went. really.

matrix2681: Until we meet again, the guy whose name I can't remember but who was the arch nemesis of sherlock holmes, farewell.
Prime01010: shit, i KNOW that guy's name
matrix2681: crap what was his name
matrix2681: MIND RACE READY GO
Prime01010: erm
Prime01010: shit
matrix2681: don't cheat
matrix2681: sherlock holmes versus dunnah dunnah
matrix2681: a-something
Prime01010: MORIARTY!
Prime01010: i win
matrix2681: NO
matrix2681: SHATZ@
Prime01010: Lionel Atwill?
matrix2681: No that was it
matrix2681: That was a NO of defeat.
Prime01010: I WIN
matrix2681: You suck dicks.
Prime01010: WOO WOO
Prime01010: I WIN I WIN
matrix2681: I really wanted that.
Prime01010: that's a big W in my column
matrix2681: And a big phat L in mine.
Prime01010: ahh, victory is so sweet it gives me cavities
matrix2681: Goot I hoop your face rots off yah bloody wanker
Prime01010: it helps that i have the COMPLETE Sherlock Holmes tome sitting right here
matrix2681: they're taking the hobbits to isengard
Prime01010: niggar
Prime01010: good lord, not that again
matrix2681: for real I'm gonna go now
matrix2681: NOW
matrix2681: NOW
matrix2681: See this?
matrix2681: It's me
matrix2681: Going
matrix2681: ...
matrix2681: now
matrix2681 signed off at 12:42:56 AM.

Cuz he told me to

Prime01010: BYE BYE TEH MICHAEL THX FOR COMING OUT TO PLAY
matrix2681: NO PROBLEMO BUDDAY
matrix2681: you gay homo
matrix2681: G'night!!
Prime01010: lol, NUH UH
matrix2681: WHAT?
Prime01010: nite ravager of asses
Prime01010: MAN asses
matrix2681: Put this up
Prime01010: ok

Public Service Announcement

matrix2681: Man I don't even know what I was gonna do for a strategy in wc3 now so just fuhgetit.
Prime01010: ok. i wasn't thinking about it, so i don't even need to fuhgetit
Prime01010: but i want to go to sleep soon
Prime01010: so i'm going to GO
matrix2681: fine
matrix2681: LEAVEW
Prime01010: away from this dastardly machine
Prime01010: i will
matrix2681: Get out of my eyespace.
Prime01010: you jealous jezebel
matrix2681: You make me want to vom.
Prime01010: that's hot
matrix2681: No, taint.
Prime01010: to vamp?
matrix2681: COM
matrix2681: VOM
Prime01010: que?
matrix2681: Like urp a little bit but swallow it back down. It's nasty and always tastes like OJ and pizza together.
matrix2681: Now you know.
Prime01010: and knowing is half the battle.
matrix2681: JEEEEEEEE EYYYYYYYYYYE JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE duh nuh nuh-nuh nuh nuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

moobs

matrix2681: Maybe you should put about 20 George Foreman Grills under his Pendulous Massive Buttocks.
matrix2681: And then make bacon in the morning but don't eat any.
matrix2681: BEST PRANK EVAR
Prime01010: you could put his man tits on a grill
matrix2681: his moobs
matrix2681: that's the proper term.
Prime01010: he wears a bro
matrix2681: QUIT MILKING ME FOR MATERIAL I'M USED UP
matrix2681: FIRING BLANKS YOU DIG

He IS a woman

matrix2681: If I were a Victorian Era woman I might giggle whilst fanning my face and looking to my other slutty buxom friends for approval.

NURRRRR

matrix2681: nut juggler.
Prime01010: cum dumpster
matrix2681: taint tickler
Prime01010: well, yeah
Prime01010: FEMALE taint
matrix2681: (oh crpa i'm gonna run out)
matrix2681: OF MEN
matrix2681: TICKLER OF MALE TAINT EQUALS MARK
matrix2681: EAT IT!
matrix2681: RRGH
Prime01010: that's what i told your mom
matrix2681: The Michael has spoken.
matrix2681: I called the teacher on messing up my title today.
matrix2681: He called me the Deli King and I'm like NO! It's Deli NINJA. Get it right.
matrix2681: And Tanja turned around and looked at me like I was crazy.
Prime01010: brb, Deli Dildo
matrix2681: You're not going to leave for like 12 hours are ytou?

F5

Prime01010: F5
matrix2681: F5 on here brings up a find box.
matrix2681: Am I supposed to push it while on your page?
Prime01010: YES
Prime01010: Michael, this is the Internet. it is big. do you need me to show you around?
matrix2681: I have a refresh button thanka you.
matrix2681: I like to use my mousey mouse.
matrix2681: "it is big"
Prime01010: here it comes
matrix2681: "i like clipper ships"
Prime01010: que?
matrix2681: Are you sure you're not a meheecan?
Prime01010: i'm fron San Salvador
matrix2681: Is that pronounced "quay"
Prime01010: NUR. it's like "kay"
matrix2681: Prime01010: no it's pronounced "sahn SAL vuh door"
matrix2681: oh
Prime01010: oops, i missed the freebie
Prime01010: glad you're here to beat yourself up for me.
matrix2681: I tried to anticipate the prickish reply but I missed.
matrix2681: Thank you sirrah may I have another
Prime01010: truth be told, i'm not TRYING to decimate your self-esteem. if this starts to make you feel like LESS of a woman at some point, let me know and I'll stop.
Prime01010: but it'll be awfully quiet in this here box.
matrix2681: oh azing
matrix2681: No I'm gonna leave it. azing. shut up i meant to do that.
matrix2681: Because I rule and I don't need to check my spellign all the time dawg
matrix2681: *fake lunges at you*

The Invasion Has Begun

Prime01010: i'll grab her by the clit and massage her into submission
matrix2681: That's just a distractionary apparatus, like that lantern fish.
matrix2681: Her clit doesn't do anything.
Prime01010: que? lantern fish?
matrix2681: lantern fish.
Prime01010: elucidate
matrix2681: It's a fish.
matrix2681: And it's got this fishing pole looking thing hanging off its forehead
matrix2681: and it's got chemicals in there not unlike what you find within the butt of a lightning bug
matrix2681: and fish see it and i guess they think it's some kind of dance club or something because they swim right in the mouth of the lantern fish.
Prime01010: stupid fish
Prime01010: Darwin RULES
matrix2681: the light-up part is a ball on the end of the "thread" by the way.
matrix2681: RUULES
matrix2681: Anyway.
matrix2681: Yeah her clit is a distractionary measure and while you're busy and she's grunting and biting and cooking you're busy thinking "hey I'm doing something right for once because i'm such a thick bint" and SHE'S busy thinking how best to eviscerate you when the mothership gives the go signal.
Prime01010: sweet
matrix2681: And to be on the safe side don't let her read this because that might expedite the plan on the grounds of her cover being blown.
matrix2681: Also don't tell her my name or where I live, but if you have to mention me, my name is TODD SMITH-JONES.
matrix2681: And I live in Madagascar.
matrix2681: Write it down and memorize it but then eat it.
matrix2681: You're pausing too long between replies. I said DON"T put this in the blog.
matrix2681: YOU ARE GONNA GET ME TEH KILLED
matrix2681: YOU ARE THE WORST BEST FRIEND EVAR!!!11
Prime01010: oh quit crying, you baby
Prime01010: i'm not posting anything.
matrix2681: YOU LIE!
matrix2681: IT IS RIGHT THERE!
matrix2681: THE END IS NEAR!!
Prime01010: no, the end is NIGH

Monday, July 18, 2005

ahem

matrix2681: The Crow was ok until a race of emo kids sprung up and started acting like that all the time.
matrix2681: oh i am so sad
the destroyer of worlds am i
my herpes sore is blazing
woe
is
me
.
matrix2681: Now it's just old hat.
Prime01010: your mom was like, "if someone killed us, and you could come back from the dead, would you kill those bad people?" and i was like, "no, but i'd exhume your old corpse and make sweet love to it all over again."
matrix2681: "NURR I GET ALL MY CLOTHES AT HOT TOPIC I AM TEH ORIGINAL"
Prime01010: yeah
matrix2681: I have no response to this.
Prime01010: LOL
matrix2681: Somehow I think admitting you're a necrophiliac kind of sets it up all by itself.
matrix2681: Like, for life.
matrix2681: Anytime now that you come at me making fun of my wee wee or haircut, I'll just show you this post.
matrix2681: And be like "game set match tool"
Prime01010: but it's your MOM
matrix2681: But still.
matrix2681: She'd be dead.
matrix2681: And you'd be porking her.
Prime01010: even in death, she's still a ho-bag
matrix2681: And a worm would probably slither up in your pee hole.
matrix2681: That's not cool.
matrix2681: Nobody likes to invite guys who have worms in their peeholes to a party.
matrix2681: And what about your girlfriend.
matrix2681: What if she finds it?
matrix2681: Are you going to fess up or are you gonna lie and try to make it look like SHE put it there?
matrix2681: "It was like that when I got here, honest"

Schlinger?

matrix2681: French people like to make movies that leave you hanging. No sequels much.
matrix2681: The Michael uses Level 10 Pork Sword on Mark for 56 hit poits.
Prime01010: yeah, they surrender before its conclusion
matrix2681: Mark's Status: Stunned for 3 moves
Prime01010: ah HA, but my armor hast Pork Resistance +8
matrix2681: Too late sucker, you should have rolled a resistance throw.
Prime01010: blow me
matrix2681: Hey. I don't make the rules, ahhight?
matrix2681: You're just pissed because I didn't use all my gold pieces getting spiffy armor at the blacksmith shoppeee the other day.
matrix2681: You're all tanking up getting a great helm of lightning resist, some other crap I don't even remember. Whatever.
matrix2681: I just have on a vest and a pair of shoes.
matrix2681: All the denizens of the deep call me Der Schwanz Schlinger.
matrix2681: All the women monsters want to hump my face.
matrix2681: You don't know pleasure until you get head from a hydra.
Prime01010: i was just thinkin' that.

piggly wiggly

Prime01010: we should do this more often
Prime01010: is this the first time you've been published?
matrix2681: We do it EVERY time we talk on here.
matrix2681: No I write stuff.
Prime01010: oh yeah
matrix2681: Stories.
Prime01010: remember when we used to be serious? about, like, ya know...stuff?
Prime01010: like, that screenplay?
Prime01010: ahh, those weren't the days.
matrix2681: That sp was fun
matrix2681: Ashame it didn't go anywhere but I think I know why.
Prime01010: yeah, but it inevitably lead me to heartbreak and thoughts of suicide. but i ended up porking your mom instead.
matrix2681: Yeah she told me.

what?

matrix2681: It was small and effective not unlike your penis on your own mom.
matrix2681: She was like Boy that hit the spot, not unlike Hot Braised Chicken, but in a different hole.

uh oh, i made him mad

Prime01010: hey, there's a stargate game coming out
Prime01010: figgered that'd be right up your alley
matrix2681: W00T!
Prime01010: seeing's how you like mullets and all
matrix2681: Man.
matrix2681: That was hurtful.
matrix2681: Seriously.
matrix2681: Stargate is a huge part of my life. I mean the characters all flow together and it's the best run show I've ever seen.
matrix2681: Take it back.
Prime01010: which part
matrix2681: The mullet part.
matrix2681: Take back what you said.
Prime01010: the part where they have mullets, or the part where you LIKE mullets.
matrix2681: They don't have mullets.
matrix2681: None do.
Prime01010: ok, fine. but that guy used to.
Prime01010: him and John Stamos
Prime01010: they went to Cutters Quarters together, or was it SuperCuts?
matrix2681: I don't know
Prime01010: someplace with the word Cut in the title
matrix2681: I'm trying to set you up so I can call you a tool.
Prime01010: good luck
Prime01010: tool

Food

Prime01010: is it wrong to eat doritos out of a glass?
matrix2681: It's *weird* to eat them out of a glass.
matrix2681: Dude what the heck is wrong with you?
matrix2681: Huh?
Prime01010: lol
matrix2681: Do you eat candy bars with a knife and fork too?
Prime01010: si
matrix2681: How do you cut the peanuts?
Prime01010: i cut a fajita with a spoon at McDonald's yesterday. no lie.

He sent me something that's actually funny

Peanuts. Mmm.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/peanuts.php

And BangBangBang

http://www.newsandentertainment.com/zfbangbangbang.html

CHiPS

Prime01010: if i put my nuts in the ice cream, you mom would say, "this tastes familiar..."
matrix2681: I read this story
matrix2681: This guy was annoying this other guy and annoying guy had a girlfriend
matrix2681: So the annoyed guy reached in and WASHED his hands with nut smell and stuck his hands on the guy's face
matrix2681: And the girl was like what's that
matrix2681: and the guy was like "it's a new cologne"
matrix2681: so she smelled it
matrix2681: and was like "hey you should get some of this, it's good stuff"
matrix2681: and that pissed the annoying guy off.
matrix2681: The end.
matrix2681: True story.
Prime01010: uh huh
matrix2681: And no the annoying guy was not me.
Prime01010: it's this guy you know, at the mall. ya know.
Prime01010: i figured the annoying guy was me and you were being clairvoyant.
Prime01010: and my girlfriend was your mom.
Prime01010: Dorito time
matrix2681: totally unrelated
matrix2681: Make sure you commit hands to each job.
matrix2681: Pick ONE HAND to eat with and ONE HAND to fappity fap with.
Prime01010: i hate it when you're trying to take a tight rubber band off of something and you make a weird face cuz last time the rubber band broke and hit you in the face and it hurt and you don't want it to happen again so you make weird faces to protect your eyes even tho that's not even where you got hit last time.
matrix2681: I know this guy (again, not me) who mixed up and wanted to do it different and make it interesting and now his peener is orange permanently.
Prime01010: it reminds me of how you have to take a condom off just right lest you drop nut all over the floor and then you have to clean it up unless your mom's there and she just licks it up cuz she's nastay.
matrix2681: On the upside however he says it tastes like cool ranch and cheddar and girls love it.
matrix2681: Actually the guy is me. Don't post this.
Prime01010: oh i GOTTA put that up
Prime01010: how'd it get orange?
Prime01010: did you FUCK an orange?
matrix2681: yellow
matrix2681: wait no it's orange, yeah.
matrix2681: YOU DID NOT EVEN READ WHAT I WROTE
matrix2681: I WORK AND I SLAVE AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET
matrix2681: YOU SUCK
matrix2681: IT'S OVER AND I WANT MY WHAM TAPE BACK YOU FAG
Prime01010: you fucked a dorito. weird.
matrix2681: Well there's those ones that are all curled upon themselves.
matrix2681: I just can't resist the grainy texture. It is exquisite.
matrix2681: Like having the sex with a girl who for some reason has sandpaper in thurr.
matrix2681: It also exfoliates.

Refresh-ing!

Prime01010: now i think you're just rambling incoherently to see if i'll post it.
Prime01010: and ya know what?
Prime01010: POSTIES!!!
matrix2681: posties?
Prime01010: hit F5, moron
matrix2681: Sounds like a cereal.
matrix2681: No. What's it do.
Prime01010: it makes your mom have an orgasm
matrix2681: What do you want to make me find WHOA she just yelled what the f.
matrix2681: she went WUBBAH!!! and punched the wall or something.
Prime01010: yeah, she does that
matrix2681: The cat just ran in here looking all scared.
Prime01010: lol
matrix2681: Her eyes are about as big around as the girl I like to fap to in that hentai tentacle sex movie I watch when my parents go out of town for a couple days and leave me alone with a freezer full of ice cream for me to dip my nuts in and then put back in there and laugh while I'm watching them eat it and they don't know why.
matrix2681: Viva The Michael.
Prime01010: better hope your parents don't find this blog
matrix2681: Don't put this up there.
matrix2681: DON"T PUT THIS UP THURRR
Prime01010: too late
matrix2681: SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOM
Prime01010: nuts in the ice cream
Prime01010: cocky road
matrix2681: HARR

wow. just....wow.

Prime01010: we roxorz
matrix2681: hard coxorz.
matrix2681: for you
matrix2681: you rock them
matrix2681: the hard coxorz.
matrix2681: *sigh*
matrix2681: Mark you rock teh hard coxorz. There.
matrix2681: WILLOW WAS THE LEPRECHAUN IN LEPRECHAUN 2
matrix2681: MY GOD IF THAT'S NOT RACIST I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS.
matrix2681: BAFMODADS

...still rampaging, but I win.

matrix2681: I hope you liked it as much as your mom did.
Prime01010: and define "glurt"
matrix2681: She gave it two thumbs up.
matrix2681: It's a sound effect I use to describe the theoretical sound a cumshot makes.
Prime01010: ok
Prime01010: cuz your mom was all like, "GLURT ALL OVER MY TITS" and i was like, "que?"
matrix2681: que
matrix2681: HA
matrix2681: LOLL
matrix2681: EGG ROLOLLS

Mike on the rampage

matrix2681: Yeah I'm READING them. With my EYES.
matrix2681: Just like I read your MOM with my FACE
matrix2681: Junk licker.
Prime01010: um, d00d? you need to work on your zingers
matrix2681: Hey you got me stabbing blindly.
matrix2681: It's like I'm in a dark room
Prime01010: i guess i get more practice
matrix2681: And I know you're in there and you have a sword
Prime01010: i have more friends who rip on me mutually
matrix2681: And then you're all like "whoo hoo I'm all around you and I have sex with your mom's anus hole"
matrix2681: And then I just start swinging blindly around because I never know when the next strike will come
matrix2681: And I say stupid stuff like "yeah i'm drinking hawwaiin punch, and speaking of punch, your mom!"
matrix2681: It's sloppy; tactless.
matrix2681: And if it weren't for me slinging my tall-boy sized pork sword at your mom on a bi-weekly basis I might feel a little emasculated.
matrix2681: OH NURRRRR
matrix2681: LUCKY HIT YAY
matrix2681: I also glurt your dad in the face because you'd never expect that.
matrix2681: And I have sex in between your girlfriend's toes.
matrix2681: 8 spots to choose from.
matrix2681: Hurry up, Mad Shartigan.
matrix2681: I'm gonna look up that midget from Willow.
Prime01010: he's not the midget
Prime01010: he's Val Kilmer
matrix2681: I know that

Insert Title Here

matrix2681: Hey she took out the lesbian part as her "sexual affiliation"
matrix2681: MAYBE SHE CHANGED BACK! HUZZAH!
Prime01010: see?
matrix2681: THE DAY IS MINE!
matrix2681: shuddup you didn't help.
Prime01010: now be a MAN for once, Mary, and get ON that shit
matrix2681: Maybe I should just run up and hold her firm buttocks and ask her "Is this for me?"
Prime01010: yeah, do that
matrix2681: And then I'd get a fingernail in the eye but I just want to TOUCH IT>
Prime01010: lemme know how it goes
Prime01010: just ram your hand down her pants and start fingering her clit. she'll too weak-kneed to fight you off. trust me. it works.
Prime01010: it's like her self-destruct button
Prime01010: but if you come up with cling-ons, you better dish, d00d. she doesn't CLEAN that junk
matrix2681: HAR
matrix2681: OH MY GOD
matrix2681: She usually wears tight pants though
matrix2681: Like what if I can't get in thurr? What kind of excuse would I have?
Prime01010: quit making excuses, you girl
matrix2681: "sorry I lost my contact lens"
Prime01010: tell her you have tourrettes
matrix2681: WHAT?!?
matrix2681: I HAVE TO PLAN
Prime01010: or a seizure
matrix2681: Act like I'm having a seizure and rip off as many clothes of hers as I can
Prime01010: or you think you're gay and you wanted to see if fingering her holes would turn you on, thus proving your straighthood
matrix2681: "Oh I must be straight, that's right. I'll try again in a month"
Prime01010: yeah. just hope she's not on her period. if so, make it six weeks.
matrix2681: holeS?
Prime01010: si
matrix2681: hAHA
matrix2681: my face is turning purple.
Prime01010: tell my mom to quit sitting on your neck
matrix2681: OH!
matrix2681: Wait.
Prime01010: tard
matrix2681: Why did you zing yourself?
Prime01010: cuz i know i can't rely on YOU to zing me

Um....yeah

matrix2681: I don't know how in the world she's so thin.
matrix2681: I'm not gonna care.
Prime01010: lots of protein shakes
matrix2681: Because she's a LESBIAN
matrix2681: And she doesn't LIKE the COCK
Prime01010: oh yeah. i hear rug munching burns a lot of calories.
matrix2681: So she can always use that as a CRUTCH and get OUT of just saying she doesn't LIKE a particular guy.
Prime01010: uh huh. lesbians use dildos. ergo, they secretly DO like the cock.
matrix2681: I can't step to one of those.
matrix2681: You ever seen one?
matrix2681: Yes you have don't lie.
Prime01010: i love using ergo in odd places.
Prime01010: on tv
matrix2681: ergo
matrix2681: You sound like the frickin architect.
Prime01010: naw, i had this vibrating doohickey with my ex. drove her nuts.
matrix2681: And I mean the one on Scary Movie 3
Prime01010: dinna see dat
matrix2681: Was it the kind you clamp on your tongue?
Prime01010: no
Prime01010: that kind is called YOUR MOM
matrix2681: OH! ZING!
matrix2681: I DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING
Prime01010: of course you diddnt
matrix2681: Blast your articulatednessismitis good sir.
matrix2681: I challenge you to a duel.
matrix2681: With pistols.
Prime01010: uh oh
matrix2681: BLAM
matrix2681: you're dead sorry kthxbye.
Prime01010: lol
matrix2681: Holy crap I wonder if anybody ever did that.
matrix2681: Like when you have the guy who hands out the pistols if one guy just IMMEDIATELY shot the other right in the face or balls and then ran away.
matrix2681: I mean it doesn't do much for talk at the pub about you but I bet it'd be funny.
matrix2681: People would be like "that man is a shartigan... why didn't I think of that?"
matrix2681: I'm having trouble remembvering who madmartigan was. I remember some movie.
matrix2681: Was that in a Mad Max movie?
matrix2681: mad martigan?
Prime01010: Willow
matrix2681: Answer me you cum guzzling nut juggling eunuch plzkthx
matrix2681: Ok
matrix2681: That's the guy.

Move along...

matrix2681: Right now my friend Chris and I are trying to set up our routers so BNet knows where to send all the network packets.
Prime01010: i played StarCraft and lost all the time. it was not funxorz
matrix2681: It just sends them to the router and the router is like "This is not for me d00d" and bnet is like "dood I doesn't care, I just sends the packets, kthxbye"
matrix2681: You must attack.
matrix2681: Play as Zerg. You don't know how fun it is to keep throwing dozens of Zerglings at your opponent.
Prime01010: u r right. i do not
Prime01010: i'm still chuckling about "i cannot kill my enemies with a hard on"

Still nothing interesting

matrix2681: So really are you making more logs (not pooping, gotcha) and putting them online or what?
matrix2681: I want to see mORE STUFF!

Prime01010: i will. eventually.
matrix2681: no.
matrix2681: now.
matrix2681: do it to it.
Prime01010: NO, YOU WILL WAIT FOR IT AND LOVE IT, JUST LIKE YOUR MOMMA
matrix2681: NO
matrix2681: JUST LIKE *YOUR* MOMMA
matrix2681: sucka
Prime01010: wow
Prime01010: genius
Prime01010: i am left with no comeback
matrix2681: Good.
Prime01010: you have outwitted me again, madmartigan
matrix2681: nee he he heee
matrix2681: *twiddles mustache*
Prime01010: the true sign of egomegalomaniacal behavior
matrix2681: Not unlike dr. doom
Prime01010: or, The Michael.
Prime01010: the evilest of evils
matrix2681: moo hoo hahaha
matrix2681: I sure could use a heath concrete. Those are the bomb.

And another

Prime01010: yeah, we're a regular laurel and fuckin hardy
Prime01010: you're laurel
Prime01010: it's a girl's name
Prime01010: fag
matrix2681: So I'm the fat one?
matrix2681: Oughta punch you in the belly baton.
Prime01010: and i'm hardy cuz i just walk around with a big hard on all the time
matrix2681: HARHAR
Prime01010: your creative license with spelling is entertaining
matrix2681: Thanka you.


matrix2681: Today guess what.
matrix2681: I was in class, eh?
matrix2681: And like
Prime01010: no way
Prime01010: you? in class?
Prime01010: GET OT
Prime01010: OUT
matrix2681: The teacher handed back the tests and wrote all the statistics on the board.
matrix2681: And my cute greeky friend Tanja asked the teacher what all the stats were up there
matrix2681: And he said "Oh YOU KNOW this stuff. WHAT'S THIS?!?
"
matrix2681: and it was an "n" and somebody said "number of students"
matrix2681: and he said "right and what's THIS"
matrix2681: and it was an x with a bar on the top and someone else said "the average score"
matrix2681: and he said "right and what's THIS"
matrix2681: and it was the standard deviation which I still don't have a use for when it comes to test scores and I theorize that profs put it there to look profound so I said "USELESS!" and everyone laughed, the end.
matrix2681: brb
matrix2681: back fool
matrix2681: Gonna try something out hang on
matrix2681 is away at 8:38:49 PM.



matrix2681: arrgh!
matrix2681 returned at 8:45:54 PM.
Prime01010: wut
Prime01010: maybe this'll help:
Prime01010: http://www.smuthosts.com/users/karups/unsort/elizabeth003.jpg
matrix2681: That will not help.
matrix2681: Not at all.
matrix2681: I can
matrix2681: I can't kill enemy with a boner.
matrix2681: I mean
matrix2681: I can kill them WITH my boner but not concentrate killing them conventially while sporting a boner.
matrix2681: Blood flow = ! to the brain.
Prime01010: what enemy
matrix2681: Trying to play warcraft 3
matrix2681: can't start a game though. I think it's the firewall
Prime01010: ya think nerds call condoms "firewalls"?
matrix2681: nurrrrrrrrrrrdx
matrix2681: s
Prime01010: WhoreCraft
matrix2681: SloreCraft
Prime01010: YourMomCraft
Prime01010: i am funnay
matrix2681: You are teh funnay

Another

matrix2681: I *love* finding stupid clips for you to watch and then you watch them and you're like "wtf"
Prime01010: yeah. i can see how that'd be really stimulating for you.
matrix2681: It makes me want to do the fappity fap.

Yeah, so...

I guess I'm back for now. I quit my job today, so that's a start. I'm also broke, so I gotta think fast.

In any case, I'm going to post stupid shit from IM chats I have with my "friend" Mike. We spend most of our time being horrible to each other, so it should amuse you at least a LITTLE bit. For example....

matrix2681: hang on a min, i'm gonna be afk and eat.
matrix2681: I'll be back on later.
Prime01010: ok
matrix2681: Keep yakkin if you want and I'll rsvp when I return
Prime01010: dildo baggins
Prime01010: um.....yak? yakkity yak? don't talk back?
Prime01010: EAT FASTER
Prime01010: this is like my therapy sessions.
Prime01010: just swallow it whole. that's what your mom does.

So...yeah. Get ready for more of that.