Monday, August 22, 2005

And I shat

It must be that time of the month again. I dunno what those demons and monsters in my belly want from me, but it can't be related to diet or geography or job or the people around me. It just IS. So I spent most of today cramping and headaching and laying around feeling generally miserable. Tomorrow I'll be fine. That's just how it is. But today I think I was sloughing off the lining of my colon. After making a pile so high it broke the water level and made the gods notice me again, my ass resorted for the rest of the day to making something that looked more like a jellyfish or anemone after that in about 15-20 minute increments. My ass is in flames, but at least it should buy me a couple days of guttural peace and quiet for things to heal up. And I wasn't even eating BW3 wings!

Items of note: I ate a Tom-burger for lunch the day before, had popcorn for dinner, and it was a full moon last night. Hey, you tell me.

Friday, August 19, 2005

3Shitty

Here's a good solid rant on just why Microsoft is loaded with retards:

Click Here

The 360 (or 3Shitty, as I call it) is launching in a jump-the-gun window just like the Dreamcast, and has a pricepoint akin to the 3DO. Not exactly the best company to keep. I'm actually planning already to go to the stores on launch day and point and laugh at anyone who buys one. If that console manages to succeed, I'm leaving the planet. These morons I cannot bear to live with any longer.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Rootin' Tootin'

Prime01010: i'm writing a review of a porn site.
matrix2681: Howzit going so far?
Prime01010: hot
Prime01010: hustlerplatinum.com
Prime01010: lotsa slutty bitches
matrix2681: I'll try later, can't right now.
Prime01010: why, is your MOM in the room?
matrix2681: POS
matrix2681: TTYL
matrix2681: LOL
Prime01010: OMG
matrix2681: TMGAIAA
Prime01010: WTF
Prime01010: BBQ
matrix2681: I was gonna say BBQ you cunt.
Prime01010: bbq'd cunt sounds gross
matrix2681: The Michael may have AIM material tonight.
Prime01010: good lord
Prime01010: i still like the "and they say things like 'rootin tootin'" thing about old people
matrix2681: "Make sure to get both sides evenly grilled. I don't want any of those nasty grill lines in thurr"
matrix2681: Did I say that?
matrix2681: Rootin tootin?
Prime01010: si
matrix2681: I vaguely remember that...
Prime01010: it's good shit




matrix2681: You know what.
Prime01010: no
Prime01010: i don't know what
matrix2681: Shaddup I'ma tell you.
Prime01010: lol
matrix2681: My dad wouldn't record Battlestar Galactica last night because they use the word "frack"
Prime01010: frack?
matrix2681: DOUBLE YEW TEA EFF?
Prime01010: you mean FUCKZORZ?
matrix2681: No I mean "frack", as in a made up cuss word.
Prime01010: color me confuzed
matrix2681: Yeah. And damn, hell, bastard, SOB, ass, all of those get past his radar.
Prime01010: is he retarded?
matrix2681: I was like, "Hey, can you record the big 3 for me tonight?"
matrix2681: and he's like "well not BG because I'm tired of them using 'that word' and the last time i watched it they said 'mother (that word)'
Prime01010: FATHERFUCKER
matrix2681: and I'm like "well i didn't say you had to watch it i just asked if you'd record it so i can watch it because I AM NOT HUNG UP WITH A DOUBLE STANDARD CONCERNING FAKE CURSE WORDS"
matrix2681: However I didn't say that last part at him.
matrix2681: But I was thinking it, which is the important part.
Prime01010: right
Prime01010: cuz, thoughts speak louder than words
Prime01010: and actions, for that matter



Prime01010: ya know what gosh is?
Prime01010: wait, i said that wrong
Prime01010: ya know what heck is?
matrix2681: Like the proper use was "I'm going to twat you in the head with this rock" and it had NOTHING to do with vaginers.
Prime01010: it's where people go who don't believe in gosh
matrix2681: No, what is is
matrix2681: You suck. I even saw that one coming.
Prime01010: you EVEN saw it coming
matrix2681: Yes.



Prime01010: i had a good yo momma slam on some guy the other day
matrix2681: Tell it to me.
Prime01010: he was like, "why are you so hairy?"
matrix2681: "why you so haaairy?"
Prime01010: and i was like, "i dunno. but you should see your mom's back. i could make fuckin corn rows on her back."
Prime01010: he got pist
Prime01010: so then i was like, "oh yeah, and why is your mom always bent over when i walk in the door? with her ASS pointed up in the air."
matrix2681: So like you inferred that you had sex with your own mom because you inherited it from her.
matrix2681: I would have come back with that and youda been CRIPPLED.
matrix2681: ODoyle rules.
matrix2681: I think I wait that isn't going to sound right.
Prime01010: no, it was HIS mom who happened to be hairy, and i saw her NAKED when i was FUCKING her
Prime01010: i paid her $10 just to put a bag over her head
matrix2681: Two in case one breaks.


matrix2681:
I think a Mexican guy that shops at my store needs to learn to say what kind of chicken he wants.
matrix2681: Because today he just got a buncha random pieces because he kept nodding his head.
matrix2681: He just comes in right and points at the chicken case.
Prime01010: beak
Prime01010: feet
Prime01010: eyeballs
Prime01010: chicken tits
Prime01010: bones
matrix2681: So I shrug and point at the sign that lists what kinds, 2pc, 4pc, shaddup.
matrix2681: And he looks at it...
matrix2681: And points again at the case and holds up a finger.
matrix2681: So I grab a CHICKEN TIT and he nods.
Prime01010: chili con pollo
matrix2681: And he holds up another finger.
matrix2681: So I put in another c.t. and he holds up another finger, etc. until I'm outta chicken tits.
Prime01010: maybe he just got done finger banging his woman and he wants you to smell it.
Prime01010: TITS
matrix2681: So he holds up another finger and I'm like "no hablo chicken tits que paso" and he's like "que?"
matrix2681: not really
matrix2681: and he holds up another finger and I get a wing and he nods and I'm like que-ever
Prime01010: que-ever....lol
matrix2681: So I rang it up, requiring two stickers and he's all eyeballing it afterwards.
matrix2681: So whatever. Either I need to learn to tell him "learn how to tell me what kind of chicken you want in English" in Spanish, or what, because The Michael doesn't have the time to play charades with him every time.
matrix2681: The end.
matrix2681: WAIT a second.
matrix2681: You are not in New York.
Prime01010: "aprenda a cómo decirme qué clase de pollo que usted quiere en inglésaprenda a cómo decirme qué clase de pollo que usted quiere en inglés"
matrix2681: OMG ROT13 DOES NOTHING!!!11oneoen
Prime01010: not at the moment




Prime01010:
she called me today to tell me one of her kids finally has a girlfriend and asked me if she should talk to him about sex. he's 13
matrix2681: Tell him girls' vaginas have teeth until they turn 18.
Prime01010: i said "better to know than to not know"
matrix2681: And then say "for real, I know a guy" and just leave it.



matrix2681: I want to see you banging his mom, except for the you part, you can switch it with The Michael.
matrix2681: I want to see The Michael banging his mom, wait.
Prime01010: yeah. sure.
Prime01010: but anyway....d00d, i have a question, and it has nothing to chicken or spanishd00d, i have a question, and it has nothing to chicken or spanish
matrix2681: ok
Prime01010: dernit
Prime01010: stupid paste
matrix2681: why did you repeat it
Prime01010: anyway....
Prime01010: so i'm watching this pron last night....
Prime01010: and this chick takes it up the butt for a good long time, then immediately jumps off it and starts sucking him off again. is that nastay or what?
matrix2681: It's nastay.
matrix2681: Why would you ask me that.
Prime01010: i'm just making sure.
Prime01010: thought maybe i was weird
matrix2681: Did you even read what I wrote before? Go back and see and see if it doesn't seema little... suspect.
Prime01010: she did it after she took it in the regular hole, too
Prime01010: slurp slurp slurp
matrix2681: Eh, that's a little more socially acceptable.
matrix2681: Not the brown eye though.
matrix2681: NOBODY is that clean.
Prime01010: oh, and i used the word "glurt" today
matrix2681: That hole is exit only and not for oral use.
matrix2681: In what context?
Prime01010: in the proper context
Prime01010: like, "I glurted on your mom"
matrix2681: To *who* you bint?
Prime01010: my buddy i work with
matrix2681: *slaps 4head*
matrix2681: You have got to be the most vague person evar.
Prime01010: kplzthx
matrix2681: kthxdie
matrix2681: Whatever, you didn't even notice, the end.
Prime01010: wutEVar
matrix2681: And it was funny too.
matrix2681: I'm still chuckling slightly.
matrix2681: Nay, tittering rather.




matrix2681:
I have this friend and his mom called while we were on the way to his house. He's 17.
matrix2681: And his mom was like "what are you doing" and he's like "coming back from getting snow cones" and i'm yelling "WE"RE AT A TITTY BAR!!!11"
Prime01010: i don't think i even need to be here. you'll just talk and talk like this is therapy for Teh Michael
matrix2681: My grammar leaves much to be desired.
matrix2681: And you're done?
matrix2681: The Michael has beaten Marcus of Smeg into speechlessness.
Prime01010: i'm trying to paste shit into the blogzorz
matrix2681: Uh oh
matrix2681: Infamy here I come.
matrix2681: Wrapped up like a douche.
Prime01010: amen