Sunday, September 25, 2005

Things that piss me off: Layer Cake edition

There is a movie called Layer Cake, or as the cover would say, L4yer Cake, which is really sort of stupid. I think Driv(THREE)r proved that point once and for all. Leetspeak has no place in the mainstream. It's like Ebonics; it's a retarded, mutated subset of perfectly valid means of communication, praised wholly by the retarded, mutated subset that adheres to it. Please, go get your own planet.

Believe it or not, that's not what pissed me off today. No no. It was Hollywood's incessant need to have all the important parts of a movie--those menial things like PLOT and DIALOGUE--be DEAD FUCKING QUIET, but when something the production crew apparently found important and exciting comes along, like a guy watering his fucking flowers, the music pipes up so loud it caves your house in. Or if a gun fires, no matter what size or caliber, or even if it has an INTEGRATED SILENCER, it has to blow a speaker.

HOLLYWOOD, PLEASE RECORD YOUR FUCKING MOVIES AT A CONSISTENT VOLUME SO I CAN WATCH THEM WITHOUT WANTING TO KILL EVERYONE IN THE WORLD JUST TO MAKE SURE I GOT EVERY ONE OF THOSE RESPONSIBLE.

Thank you.

And my day was going so well. I got a good lead on a place to stay. I'd be rooming in a big house with five fireplaces, a great parking area and location, and one of the only LEVEL driveways in New England. I stopped by today to inquire, but the people who belong there were out. I came home and reverse looked up the phone number on 411.com, but to no avail. Whoever they are, they appreciate their privacy. I can respect that, being a privacy monger myself. Well, more of a "I can't stand most of you people" monger.

Aside from that, I found that most of the schools here are right next door to one another, making it a great venue for sports and working out in general. I haven't completely solved my hockey needs, but the ample pavement afforded me by the local institutions of education should help me get started.

Then I came home and tinkered with Rogue Spear. Why is it that the best squad-based games in existence as far as I'm concerned are Ghost Recon (PC), the original Rainbow Six (PC), Rogue Spear (PC), and Gunship (PS1), and that involved attack helicopters! Genius! However, for some reason, Rogue Spear has some kind of horrible keyboard delay when I try to play it on this laptop. Never happened on any other computer I've ever owned. However, using UrbanOps.exe seems to circumvent the problem somehow.

I guess that would qualify as another thing that pisses me off: Why do games that are designed to run on hardware vastly eclipsed by whatever I'm running now run like absolute SHIT? Serious Sam has some serious problems running on anything non-3dfx. We're talking about an ATI Radeon here. Why can't it handle that game worth a shit? Why isn't there a version of that succulent magic known as WickedGL made available for more recent video hardware? I still remember that feeling of running Serious Sam on my old desktop machine without WGL and then with it. I almost crapped myself at the difference. Freespace also looks like shit on any non-3dfx card. What gives, niggas?

So in the end, Layer Cake was PROBABLY good and MIGHT be worth seeing, but if your TV doesn't have SmartSound built in, don't bother.

5 comments:

Beck said...

I hate people, too. (:

jim miller said...

yeah, i had a different problem with l4yer cake: my old, crappy dvd player couldn't play anything past the mandatory preview of kung fu hustle, which wasn't really a great movie.

so, i bought a new $50 sanyo dvd player from wal-mart. i think i haven't been in a best-buy since i bought my computer in 2001 and that includes our new one in sandusky, but i digress. so, magically, l4yer cake played fine on the new player.

before watching it i was aware of the user ratings from blockbuster AND yahoo--3 out of 5 stars or a "C"--so, i didn't expect too much. i didn't have the sound problems you did, but i did have trouble translating the "english" verbiage fast enough at times. i found it interesting and a bit suspenseful, but i'll stick with the average vote of 3 stars.

see ya, young turk. ...and i bet you don't respond...just like always...trying to PROVE YOU'RE A PRICK LIKE ME. haha

jim miller said...

oh, i forgot to say that i understood l4yer cake better than your geekspeak on this post. i'm "so" out of it, huh?

Leslie said...

I'm from Cincinnati. You? :)

Keep comin' by, Torricane!

E-E said...

Hey!

Welcome to Boston!!!