Sunday, October 30, 2005

Things

So, commercials for the Aeon Flux and Doom movies have begun. Not sure about Aeon yet, tho Charlize looks good at least. Doom looks appropriately awful, so I'll wait for DVD. Maybe they'll include the original game on the DVD. That might make it worth getting. The damn thing probably runs as a java app by now.

Watched Terminators 1 & 2 on the new 61" bigscreen tonite. Pretty impressive. Now it's cheesy horror movie marathon time with all the Friday the 13th movies on AMC. Censored enough to be vomitous, it's still a fun time of year. The air gets cold, the leaves change (we even got snow today), and the world starts to slow down a little bit. Plus, what's hotter than a pretty girl in a sweater? Well, said girl sans sweater, but that'd be the only thing. Yummy.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Another classic exchange

So hetero Nick and I are working on painting the downstairs, making the occasional "you're a fag" or "that's what your mom said" joke, when this gem emerged. It all began when I unloaded one of my fave jokes (it's an original, but you can borrow it for a small fee):

Q: What do a gay man and a bakery have in common?
A: They both have Sticky Buns.

Then Nick says, "And you WOULD know what it's like having your butt stuck together, right?"
He's implying that I'm gay. Which I'm not. I hate the cock, but I stand firm behind the fact that titties are the best thing ever invented. Girl titties. Make no mistake.

I replied, "Yeah, I've been reading your diary."

Oh, 'twas a glorious moment. See kids, the construction of the perfect comeback is a delicate art. Not only do I reverse it making HIM gay, but I also imply that he keeps a diary, which is inherently gay, or feminine at the very least, which for a guy, is pretty gay. MAN is he gay.

P.S. Andie MacDowell is hot. She has been for like 20+ years. Impressive, m'lady.

Your assigned reading for the night.

This description (from a porn site) was too funny:

"I mean sure, she sucks a huge black dick. And yep, she fucks it, too. Then she does what a lot of girls can't do...she takes Boz in the ass. I'm serious. All of it. Like a foot of black dick invades her colon. She takes black dick in her ass so well she's won porno awards! That's how well she takes a black dick in her ass. And if that wasn't enough, guess what she does? ATM. Nope, she didn't go get some money out of the bank. ATM stands for ass to mouth. In other words, Boz pulled 13 inches out of her ass so she could taste it. Yum! Then she tasted more of Boz, if you get what we mean."

"Invades her colon." Great stuff. And yes, the cool kids spell it "pron" not "porn." Taken straight from the fetid bowels of www.blacksonblondes.com.

I'm watching Blind Date (the movie) and John Larroquette is too freakin funny. The scream he lets out right before he drives into all those buildings is on par with the one from "Ouch My Face with Shepard Smith." (look here for more info on that: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3232)

Switching gears, check this shit out. And by "shit" I mean "shit":

CHRISTIAN EXODUS (thanks modogg) - It's hard to know where to live in this sin cursed world of ours, but thankfully God is there to give you a helping hand. God, through one of his many reliable proxies, has chosen South Carolina to be his holy land, and this site invites you to bring God's Will to life by moving to one of the South's many backwards states, where you can enjoy a variety of stereotypes firsthand! It's a good thing we can't question the Will of God, because it sure doesn't hold up on paper these days. http://christianexodus.org/

Just what we need, more Godites up in arms.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

More revelations...

Airwolf is way less cheesy than I expected it to be, having not seen it in about 20 years. I'm impressed all over again.

The pilot for Knight Rider isn't nearly as bad as I expected, either. The rest of the episodes have their ups and downs.

Rogue Spear (PC) is the best damn entry in the Rainbow Six series. I still wish they'd have updated all the original R6 missions (the Dam and the Space Shuttle pad in particular) for the RS engine. Now that I got RS, Urban Ops, and Black Thorn working on my PC again (run in compatibility mode to avoid keyboard lag), I may never need consoles again. Between Pirates, Unreal Tournament, and Rogue Spear...who needs anything else?

Games don't kill people. Guns and high school do.

So I'm working tonight, watching movie after movie as usual, and The Breakfast Club comes on. Anthony Michael Hall plays a nerd, not unlike most of us when we were his age. Anyone who's seen it knows why he's in detention: he brought a gun to school to either kill himself or the people who made his life difficult. Now this was 1984. Let's do a little timeline:

1977 - Pong comes out
1982 - Atari 2600 is released in America
1984 - The Breakfast Club is made
1992 - Doom hits the PC market
1993 - Mortal Kombat storms arcades
2001 - Grand Theft Auto III arrives on PS2

So, to all the assholes out the like Jack Thompson who blame videogames for why kids snap and blow away themselves or their classmates, explain to me how the idea so casually emerges from the lips of a troubled teen in a story set nearly a decade before all these "murder simulators" were even dreamt of. Until you can manage that, can we please drop the subject?

Friday, October 07, 2005

More Allard

“You know, being first you sometimes get some crap, and we’ve had some crap. But I think it’s very pro-consumer and very pro-developer, and I think that in five years everybody will look back and say that this was a very, very good move on our part to launch worldwide and to have the flexibility for consumers to decide on their products.”

WRONG. You haven't done what's best for anybody, even for Microsoft, as this multiple sku thing will just confuse and irritate hasty xmas shoppers, and more so little Billy and Janey on xmas morning when they get the awfully stripped down Core System. The best thing would have been to include at least basic hardware with all the basic options. Hard drive included. We don't need Hi-def cables, necessarily, because developers don't NEED those to either include or NOT include certain features. We're talking about 0 or 1, not degrees of good. Hi-def is better than regular s-video or RCAs, but even if you only have a coax jack, you still get picture. Nintendo had the right idea with the RAM expansion pak. I WANTED that bastard for Perfect Dark, but the game would still more or less run without it. It's not like they shipped a system with NO RAM in it at all.

Not having the hard drive is just such a stupid, stupid move on Microsoft's part, especially if the PS3 includes one in every box. If so, sayonara M$. I have to think Nintendo is considering mass storage options, too, what with the huge catalog of downloadable games they'll have available. Talk about a launch lineup.

J Allard speaks, and we all laugh.

From an article at:

http://www.edge-online.co.uk/archives/2005/10/microsoft_respo.php

It was put to Allard that Saint’s Row developer Volition had expressed difficulty in realising some of its ambitions for the project since the removal of the hard drive from the equation (citing issues with streaming and caching), to which he responded: “Sometimes doing the right thing means doing the hard thing. Are there developers who are disappointed? Yeah, sure. I wish there was a hard drive and I wish there were four terabytes of memory; I wish it were free to consumers and I wish we could put one in every TV set – there are a lot of wishes that I have but at the end of the day we’re trying to run a business, and you have to make those trade-offs.


AND I WISH YOU COULD MAKE SOME GAMES I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT!

Those other wishlist things weren't really practical. Putting in a hard drive (or even a ZIP drive for crap's sake) was something they could have very well done. Even if it was just 5GB, upgradeable to bigger sizes later.

Have you seen the new Ridge Racer 6 shots on the 3shitty? Ugh. Looks like RRV, the LAUNCH game for PS2. M$ is teh roxorz indeed.

Monday, October 03, 2005

More or Les

I've been reading up on her blog and chatting with her during the day, and I can't recommend Leslie enough. Go read her stuff and be merry.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Camel Spiders

And I thought those ones around my mom's place were big. Check these bad boys out.