Tuesday, January 10, 2006

There are some things you should know

I'm huge on monogamy. Perhaps cripplingly so. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm into monogamy on a debilitating level. And I'm a guy, so this just plain doesn't fit with the world around me.

It's been a really weird 24 hours. The modern woman is taking new shape with me, given several recent events, and I'm not sure how to deal. In the last day or so, I've been involved with people with more open or swinger relationships than I'm entirely comfortable with (it didn't help seeing my friend from high school becoming a full blown porn star right before my eyes). I'm not saying it's a bad thing or that these are bad people. I support everyone's right to do whatever they want so long as it doesn't crowd my space or style. But being so atypical as far as the average Joe goes, sexually anyway, and seeing women adopt those roles instead elicits a feeling in my guts akin to the itch you can't quite scratch.

This isn't just limited to sexuality. I also struggle with people who smoke weed or drink to excess. These things just seem inherently wrong to me, and there's very little evidence (in my experience) to the contrary. Yet so many people around me engage it said behaviors that one starts to question and even doubt his convictions. Why am I staying this course? What are the odds of the bad scenarios happening to me? Why am I being such a Boy Scout?

I could bullet-point my reasons, but what's the use. They are my reasons and any one of you could think of at least one counter-point for each one. Maybe it's time to let my guard down. Maybe it's time to stop being different. Maybe the itch will go away. And maybe I can take more of the things people do with a grain of salt. In the end, we're all fucked anyway, right?

The hardest part of this is that I don't have any cause higher than me to be such a prude for, either. I'm hardcore agnostic, and while I agree with some of the popular ideas among the major religions of the world (do unto others in particular), I can't subscribe to the craziness and leaps of faith that come along with that.

I guess at the end of the day, the guiding force has been answering the question, "Would I be proud to tell mom about this?" with a resounding "yes." With a focus like that, it seems clear what I'm setting myself up for, and I can't tell whether I like it or not.


Leslie said...

You're not nearly as alone as you think, as far as your views on love and sex. I say, stick with it. You're the kind of guy that I like. THe rest are weak losers.

elvira black said...

You are awesome.

Beck said...

Ditto Elvira.