Friday, January 27, 2006

These Are All the Same: The Female Libido, Gay Rights, and Abortion.

How are these ideas all related, you ask? They all involve each person's right to do whatever they goddamn want with their own bodies. It's called freedom of choice, and it's what this country was founded on.

So, between befriending someone in an "open" marriage and coming to terms with that, finding out a dear sweet friend-girl I was really close to in high school has gone porn pro, and experiencing that hallowed rite of passage known as the titty bar, some things in my head have changed, hopefully for the better.

Have you ever seen the movie 'Eyes Wide Shut'? For about a week or so, I felt like the main character in that flick, contronted firmly by the fact that my practically medieval idea of what a woman should be (chaste, picky, even prudish towards men) just doesn't fly anymore. Sure, there are women like that, but not as many as my naive little existence wanted to believe.

I thought about a LOT of stuff that week. One thing I considered was that the vagina is the same embryonic tissue as the penis, so why is there such a double-standard in how they can be used by their owners? To me, if I were a woman, the idea of pregnancy would bother the fuck out of me and keep me celebate for life. But, all around me I see ladies going out of their way to get laid, often skipping protection and using methods as untrustworthy as "pulling out" to keep themselves sans baby. This also led me to the conclusion that sex simply MUST be better for women, on some level (physical or emotional or something), in a way that they can overlook all the practical pratfalls that leap into my mind the moment I think of slipping my fleshy turkey baster between some labia. I've had my fair share of sex, and enjoyed the fuck out of it (pun intended), but as I sit here pondering the very idea of it, it terrifies me. It's the best and worst thing we, as people, can do. The biological, social, psychological, and emotional ramifications of the very act are staggeringly more consequential than virtually anything else we can do as humans. Perhaps more so than even murder. But, that's just my take. Read this if you disagree.

However, just because I freak out about the thought of an unplanned pregnancy or STD doesn't mean anyone else necessarily should. Bear in mind that my biggest concern with having a child right now is that I wouldn't be able to provide properly for it, and I'm in a very selfish place in my life where I'm enjoying my "me" time quite a bit. I'm perhaps TOO selfish and unformed to be a good parent right now, and I accept that, I DEVOUR that responsibility. And knowing two people close to me who've gotten pregnant through multiple concurrent methods of contraception makes me all the more wary.

I also want to clarify something about my family ties. My dad was brought up to think that women were dirty and evil and should only be touched for the sole sake of having children to carry on the family name. Thus, he and my mom only got it on when he was drunk. And somehow she stayed married to him for several years. *shaking head* Nice to know those were the conditions under which I was conceived. So for a time, as I continued to flip out about the notion of risking an unwanted pregnancy for the sake of an hour's fun, I started to worry I was becoming my dad, something I'd resent more than just about anything. Then I stopped and looked at my relationships and my views of the women I've been with. My heart almost exploded. When I fall in love--something that doesn't take a whole lot of time to happen--I give it my all, and when things don't work out, sometimes that can be really hard if I can't be practical about it. For example, being left so the other person can see if they can "do better" is about as insulting a reason as I can imagine for being dumped. Struggling with a long-distance arrangement makes more sense to me, as I've done it twice and it didn't work out either time.

But anyway, when I really start to dig someone, there's not a thought in my head that isn't linked to them somehow. I start thinking about my world in terms of how I can incorporate that beautiful creature into everything that I am and do. My mind opens up to all sorts of possibilities I wouldn't entertain on my own, so long as it meant sharing the experience with her. Like ballet. Ugh, I hate ballet. And opera. But I've gone to things like this just to BE with her, and to see the smile on her face because I was there, doing that, with her. When I fall, I fall hard, and I love love love so many things about women. Their smell, their smile, their curves, their totally different perspectives on things. I love what they bring to my life. So what if the sex comes later? I abstain because I want to thoroughly enjoy US as persons, and if the sex takes a while to come around, so be it.

I've had hugs that were better than sex. I shit you not. Too many people hug in such a hurry to get on with their day, but when someone hugs me so long that they almost miss their train home and risk having to wait another hour alone in the cold, JUST to feel me against them, holding them...those are the hugs that change your whole fucking world. And they've happened. To ME.

Now what I'm trying to do is NOT project my own concerns onto other people and forge expectations of them based on my own weird take on reality. Thus, it's everyone's right to do whatever the heck they want with their bodies. And NO ONE has the right to tell them not to, not me, not you, not the government, not god (assuming there's one out there). Free will, freedom of choice. Without those, what would we be? Ants? Robots? Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

Abortion and gay rights are on par here for me. If a woman likes women, SO BE IT. If a guy just can't get enough dick in his life, SO BE IT. If a woman gets pregnant despite doing her best not to, but still wants to enjoy the special company of her partner, and decides she is not fit to be a good parent at that point in her life, then take care of it. It's tissue. Nobody gives a shit about eggs or sperm; they're just tissue. Nobody cries when a woman has her period and an egg is expelled, or when a guy jerks off and flushes 6 billion potential babies down the toilet. It's just tissue. But put them together and HOLY SHIT everybody's going to beat down your door if you choose to stop it from developing. Ya know what? These people need to go stop deforestation if they're so preoccupied with the sanctity of life. Apparently that doesn't apply to plants. Banning abortion is only going to drop IQs in this country even further, and lead to more social decay. Personally, I'd rather see a bit of moral crumble than promoting self-destructive families, unwanted children, and fostering more hate and depression in the world. None of these pro-lifers give a shit about the homeless or anyone starving in a third-world nation, or kids working in sweatshops. They don't even care what happens to that child once it's born, only while it's in utero. They're morons, and I can't and won't ever understand how they sleep at night, doing the personal-rights-trampling shit that they do. If they're so right with god, as they say, why do they take it upon themselves to judge and execute people here on Earth, knowing full well that it's their maker's job, and by acting on "his" behalf, they're in fact putting their own afterlife judgment into question? People, go home and take care of your own kids instead of fighting for the rights of someone else's. As much as people hate it, South Park has made a LOT of relevant social commentaries, and I for one hope it stays on the air for a long time to come. Go see the movie they made, and try to tell me it's not totally true the way parents abandon their kids to crusade for something no one even really wants.

And when did this country fall to Minority Rule, where the whiny few get their way and the rest of us normal people have to put up with censored everything? God bless the Internet, the last bastion of censorship-free entertainment. That's what delivered unto you this entirely uncensored rant today. It was also brought to you by the letter T and the number 7. :)

I *heart* you guys.


Leslie said...

Wow, that was a lot to take in.

But I read it all. IT ALL.

I heart your writing.

We'll have to talk about this sometime online.

elvira black said...

Lord B:

Are we experiencing some sort of Vulcan mind meld?

These were the very issues I addressed on a post I wrote recently for BlogCritics called Pro-Life or Anti-Sex?. The topic is so heated that it's garnered over 400 comments so far. Wish you'd come over there and talk some sense into some of the nut jobs who've shared their rather fascist views with the public at large.

Though I respect everyone's right to eschew extramarital sex, abortion, etc. for themselves, I have reached the point where a few of the pro-lifers who've sounded off there are literally scaring the living shit outta me. If they have their way, birth control will be banned, and we will have the sex police at our bedsides telling us when, why, how, and with whom we can have realations of any kind. And yes, some insist that we must procreate too. Some see nothing wrong with a pharmacist denying women birth control prescriptions if it goes against their religious principles.

These people would rather see unnecessary abortions and neglected and abused children suffering than suggest that people have ample access to condoms. They'd rather wrangle endlessly over when life officially begins in the womb than face the fact that like it or not sex is here to stay and people will not "just say no" simply because that's the way they'd like it to be.

These people are serious--dead serious. They are incapable of simply letting people live their lives as they see fit. It reminds me of the Crusades and the Inqisition, when "Christians" would make you convert upon pain of torture and death. They know the way and the truth, you see, and thus have the right to tell everyone what to do. There is no reasoning with them.

That movie Eyes Wide Shut is awesome too.

Great post--love your unique point of view.

Lord Boinkingham said...

Les: Yes we DO need to talk. Where you been hiding? I MISS chit chatting the evenings away with yew. Promise to come back to me soon. :)

Elv: I did read your item on Blogcritics several days ago, but with 400 comments and a lot of staunchly ignorant fundamentalist viewpoints, I found it unlikely that my thoughts would get noticed or considered there at all. If you think it'd really make a diff, say the word and I can adapt some of my thoughts here, provided they won't get all up in arms that I'm essentially reposting something from somewhere else, as they did to you. Dickheads.

In any event, thanks for the kind words, you two! I'll keep writin 'em if you keep readin 'em.

Lord Boinkingham said...

By the way, isn't it funny how pro-lifers always make death threats? Like I said, once you're out of the womb, they don't give a fuck about you anymore.

Also, the pharmacist issue bugs me, but free clinics have the stuff, too, and even if the government bans birth control, it'll still be available, privately. Look at drugs. They're illegal and everybody has no trouble getting those.

Also, there's going to be a big conflict about birth control anyway at a political level, cuz Democrats and liberals are generally ok with it, and Republicans don't want to cut into drug company profits, since they're all buddy-buddy. If they take birth control off the market, are they also going to take Viagra? That would be a HUGE chick in someone's pocket at the drug co. I seriously doubt the lobbyists and decision-makers will let that happen. Government is a business, and it's been bought out like everything else.

In short, I doubt birth control is going anywhere. Besides, Trojan could probably sue somebody if they tried to make in Constitutionally illegal to sell a harmless product on someone's ethical hangup. Abortion is a slipperier subject, but there will always be someone willing to help out.

Lord Boinkingham said...

One more thing...Elvira, if you want to copy/paste any particulars that I've said in a way you especially like and quote/link me in your articles/comments on BC, feel free. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't want people to read it. :) That way, you can make my arguments for me (I'm not worried; we think enough alike) without me goofing it up in a rewrite.

Daphnewood said...

ooh, nice post. You are making me step out from my shadow here, Lord B. I have to admit, I disagree about the abortion part. It is just that I see life and not tissue. That is all. I have learned long ago that you can never sway anyone who already has a view about an issue. You see tissue-I see life and nothing you or I say to each other will change our minds. But I also agree with you that too many pro-lifers judge and do nothing to help the "unwanted" children that are born. I think it is the duty for everyone who opposes abortion to take up responsibility, show the world that there is no such thing as an unwanted child. I talk the talk but have yet to adopt a single child myself. *sigh*

Okay that being said, your post was really awesome and heartfelt. I feel lucky to be born in this era where a woman is allowed to express her sexuality openly. A friend once told me that I cannot be a feminist and pro-life in the same breathe. I told her to fuck off because if there was more information and less stigma about sex, I truly believe there would be less unplanned pregnancies. There would more people loving those long hugs and waiting to see a person smile like you talked about. What a huge heart you have and such a capacity for love. I think I have a crush!

Lord Boinkingham said...

Daph: In the purest sense, I see tissue. But I also see potential. You may call that potential "life." And my pro-choice stance is not so I can be reckless about my sexual choices. It's simply so people HAVE a choice, and can have the procedure done in a safe, clean environment. You think if they outlaw abortions that people will just stop having them? That'll work about as well as Prohibition did.

Also, my ideas are still malleable. If something happened in my life that had enough relevance to make me see pro-life as the only acceptable alternative (tho I have no idea what situation would bring that change), I could still change. Nothing is set in stone. That's why I'm agnostic and not an atheist. I'm still open to the idea of there being a greater power out there; I'm just waiting for it to be revealed to me personally thru some event in my life. Hey, miracles happen all the time, and it's something I can't be told. If it's going to happen, it has to just happen. Like enlightenment. I've been to church countless times and just can't get behind the people there. It just feels wrong in my gut. Besides, aren't people supposed to have a PERSONAL relationship with their faith and savior?

If it comes, it comes. If not, no hard feelings. :)

Leslie said...


What'd I miss?

What? Daphne has a crush on Mark? I hope I played a part in that!