How are these ideas all related, you ask? They all involve each person's right to do whatever they goddamn want with their own bodies. It's called freedom of choice, and it's what this country was founded on.
So, between befriending someone in an "open" marriage and coming to terms with that, finding out a dear sweet friend-girl I was really close to in high school has gone porn pro, and experiencing that hallowed rite of passage known as the titty bar, some things in my head have changed, hopefully for the better.
Have you ever seen the movie 'Eyes Wide Shut'? For about a week or so, I felt like the main character in that flick, contronted firmly by the fact that my practically medieval idea of what a woman should be (chaste, picky, even prudish towards men) just doesn't fly anymore. Sure, there are women like that, but not as many as my naive little existence wanted to believe.
I thought about a LOT of stuff that week. One thing I considered was that the vagina is the same embryonic tissue as the penis, so why is there such a double-standard in how they can be used by their owners? To me, if I were a woman, the idea of pregnancy would bother the fuck out of me and keep me celebate for life. But, all around me I see ladies going out of their way to get laid, often skipping protection and using methods as untrustworthy as "pulling out" to keep themselves sans baby. This also led me to the conclusion that sex simply MUST be better for women, on some level (physical or emotional or something), in a way that they can overlook all the practical pratfalls that leap into my mind the moment I think of slipping my fleshy turkey baster between some labia. I've had my fair share of sex, and enjoyed the fuck out of it (pun intended), but as I sit here pondering the very idea of it, it terrifies me. It's the best and worst thing we, as people, can do. The biological, social, psychological, and emotional ramifications of the very act are staggeringly more consequential than virtually anything else we can do as humans. Perhaps more so than even murder. But, that's just my take. Read this if you disagree.
However, just because I freak out about the thought of an unplanned pregnancy or STD doesn't mean anyone else necessarily should. Bear in mind that my biggest concern with having a child right now is that I wouldn't be able to provide properly for it, and I'm in a very selfish place in my life where I'm enjoying my "me" time quite a bit. I'm perhaps TOO selfish and unformed to be a good parent right now, and I accept that, I DEVOUR that responsibility. And knowing two people close to me who've gotten pregnant through multiple concurrent methods of contraception makes me all the more wary.
I also want to clarify something about my family ties. My dad was brought up to think that women were dirty and evil and should only be touched for the sole sake of having children to carry on the family name. Thus, he and my mom only got it on when he was drunk. And somehow she stayed married to him for several years. *shaking head* Nice to know those were the conditions under which I was conceived. So for a time, as I continued to flip out about the notion of risking an unwanted pregnancy for the sake of an hour's fun, I started to worry I was becoming my dad, something I'd resent more than just about anything. Then I stopped and looked at my relationships and my views of the women I've been with. My heart almost exploded. When I fall in love--something that doesn't take a whole lot of time to happen--I give it my all, and when things don't work out, sometimes that can be really hard if I can't be practical about it. For example, being left so the other person can see if they can "do better" is about as insulting a reason as I can imagine for being dumped. Struggling with a long-distance arrangement makes more sense to me, as I've done it twice and it didn't work out either time.
But anyway, when I really start to dig someone, there's not a thought in my head that isn't linked to them somehow. I start thinking about my world in terms of how I can incorporate that beautiful creature into everything that I am and do. My mind opens up to all sorts of possibilities I wouldn't entertain on my own, so long as it meant sharing the experience with her. Like ballet. Ugh, I hate ballet. And opera. But I've gone to things like this just to BE with her, and to see the smile on her face because I was there, doing that, with her. When I fall, I fall hard, and I love love love so many things about women. Their smell, their smile, their curves, their totally different perspectives on things. I love what they bring to my life. So what if the sex comes later? I abstain because I want to thoroughly enjoy US as persons, and if the sex takes a while to come around, so be it.
I've had hugs that were better than sex. I shit you not. Too many people hug in such a hurry to get on with their day, but when someone hugs me so long that they almost miss their train home and risk having to wait another hour alone in the cold, JUST to feel me against them, holding them...those are the hugs that change your whole fucking world. And they've happened. To ME.
Now what I'm trying to do is NOT project my own concerns onto other people and forge expectations of them based on my own weird take on reality. Thus, it's everyone's right to do whatever the heck they want with their bodies. And NO ONE has the right to tell them not to, not me, not you, not the government, not god (assuming there's one out there). Free will, freedom of choice. Without those, what would we be? Ants? Robots? Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
Abortion and gay rights are on par here for me. If a woman likes women, SO BE IT. If a guy just can't get enough dick in his life, SO BE IT. If a woman gets pregnant despite doing her best not to, but still wants to enjoy the special company of her partner, and decides she is not fit to be a good parent at that point in her life, then take care of it. It's tissue. Nobody gives a shit about eggs or sperm; they're just tissue. Nobody cries when a woman has her period and an egg is expelled, or when a guy jerks off and flushes 6 billion potential babies down the toilet. It's just tissue. But put them together and HOLY SHIT everybody's going to beat down your door if you choose to stop it from developing. Ya know what? These people need to go stop deforestation if they're so preoccupied with the sanctity of life. Apparently that doesn't apply to plants. Banning abortion is only going to drop IQs in this country even further, and lead to more social decay. Personally, I'd rather see a bit of moral crumble than promoting self-destructive families, unwanted children, and fostering more hate and depression in the world. None of these pro-lifers give a shit about the homeless or anyone starving in a third-world nation, or kids working in sweatshops. They don't even care what happens to that child once it's born, only while it's in utero. They're morons, and I can't and won't ever understand how they sleep at night, doing the personal-rights-trampling shit that they do. If they're so right with god, as they say, why do they take it upon themselves to judge and execute people here on Earth, knowing full well that it's their maker's job, and by acting on "his" behalf, they're in fact putting their own afterlife judgment into question? People, go home and take care of your own kids instead of fighting for the rights of someone else's. As much as people hate it, South Park has made a LOT of relevant social commentaries, and I for one hope it stays on the air for a long time to come. Go see the movie they made, and try to tell me it's not totally true the way parents abandon their kids to crusade for something no one even really wants.
And when did this country fall to Minority Rule, where the whiny few get their way and the rest of us normal people have to put up with censored everything? God bless the Internet, the last bastion of censorship-free entertainment. That's what delivered unto you this entirely uncensored rant today. It was also brought to you by the letter T and the number 7. :)
I *heart* you guys.