Here are some great new products that probably won't be available in a store near you. Ever.
GPS SHOES: Take a regular pair of shoes--maybe the kind with the blinky lights in the heels to make it look more high-tech--and put a sticker on the toe part that says "YOU ARE HERE" written in magic marker and wear them around. Voila! GPS Shoes.
Vomints: Hey bulimics! Tired of that OJ and pizza aftertaste from horking your lunch into the toilet? Get Vomints! Their strong minty flavor will get rid of any smell or aftertaste in your yapper. Only 23,000 calories per mint!
More as they develop. R&D over here is intense. We could blow the lid off of something genius any second. And just think! By reading my shitty page, you'll be the FIRST person on your street--maybe even your BLOCK--to know about it!!