It's true that you don't want something until you can't have it. I'm headed into Cambridge on Monday afternoon to leave a screening sample to potentially become a sperm donor. The problem is, I have to abstain from sexual activity for 48 hours prior to that sample being given.
No big deal, right? It's not like I have a girlfriend to tease me incessantly (and I know she would; you ladies are the worst ;)). To take my mind off this forced abstinence, I tried watching some TV. I should have known better.
If it's not a Jessica Simpson video, it's an hour-long Girls Gone Wild infomercial that I just can't seem to turn off. Yeah, I'm not exactly watching during family hour (the seedy underside of television comes out in the wee AM hours), but still. SEX IS EVERYWHERE, and it's making me agitated. From the South Park movie running during the Secret Stash hours to the True (bullshit) ads on MySpace featuring bikini-clad tempests, to the sexy sighs of Sia in 'Breathe Me' to the play-poker-online ads featuring some big-busted mamacita. All I want is to bust a nut right now in the worst way, and I can't, all for the greater good (or whatever). I'm a masturbatory martyr.
On a side note, I'm humorously awaiting the horrified responses from my friends at the thought of my brand of genetic weirdness getting scattered out there like so much airborne pollen. They'll say, "That poor woman has no idea what she's getting herself into...or rather into herself!" C'mon people. I'm not that bad and you know it.